Indulge in Connection, for Healthy Kids

With the proclamation that you can’t be too attached and you can’t “spoil” with loving gestures, AP is reemerging as the gold standard for raising happy, smart, and secure adults. In fact, well-attached children later more naturally indulge in life’s most precious and often elusive treasure—healthy intimate relationships.

When it comes to demonstrations of love for our children, there can never be ‘too much of a good thing’. According to The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), bonding occurs on a variety of levels. On the low end, a child is at risk for becoming hostile and hard to manage, but behavioral problems are less likely the more parents are involved from an early age. AP takes this principle and runs with it, embracing a no-holds-bared approach to bonding, connection, and attachment. It advocates indulging in a full-blown love affair that sets the developing individual up for a brighter, more fulfilling future.

The AP practice has its roots firmly planted in the vital newborn stage, in which the parent follows natural instincts to intensely attach to the baby without regard to spoiling her or anticipating being hurt by her impending independence.

The Attachment Parenting method (studied, named and documented by Dr. William Sears; www.askdrsears.com) advocates traditional, instinctual nurturing. From the moment of birth, a potent throng of hormones tells us (especially mothers) to kiss, nurse, cuddle, coo, hug, hold and rock that little life. AP parents go with these instincts and never hold back—from cradle to university.

Dr. Sears refers to AP kids as “connected”—a loaded word in the realm of psychological health and spiritual fulfillment. When compared with those kids not brought up with attachment methods, AP kids tend to be more loving, trusting, intelligent, maintain better self confidence, are more adaptable in various situations, and most interestingly, display a natural proclivity toward intimate relationships.

Author and parent educator, Elizabeth Pantley, says, by way of AP bonding, connected kids and their parents learn how to read each other. The AP approach is based on consistently “getting behind the eyes of the child,” as Dr. Sears says, and being sensitive to their emotional development at each stage.

To the contrary of worries on spoiling, all this close communication and connectedness results in more effective discipline. Pantley says, “Parents who get off to the right start with their babies have an easier time with discipline as the years go by, because the relationship is strong and stable.” AP parents deeply know their children, enabling them to respond in the most affective and suitable way for their little individual. The (AAP) advises parents to use discipline versus punishment, describing discipline is a whole system of teaching based on a good relationship, praise and instruction— all of which are facilitated by a close bond. Also, the trust that is built from an AP infancy allows parents to be strict when needed without alienating the child. No matter how bewildering your rules are to him, he knows deep down that they are (somehow) asserted out of love.

Dr. Sears’ research aside, AP outcomes speak for themselves. Pantley calls her 16-year-old daughter a joy. “Yes, a teenager who is an enjoyable human being to be around! She is respectful to her elders, sweet to her younger siblings and kind to her friends.”

So, give in to those nurturing instincts. Indulge in the warm fuzzies that come naturally, with a heart wide open, and enjoy deep, connected parental relationships for years, and even generations to come.